Thank you both. It is unfair. On all counts. I’ve been avoiding the ‘m’ word for over a decade. Age/time makes the people pushing for it more anxious. Sometimes there only seems one way out. Which is morbid and I’m far too weak for that.

It’s not strong to do that…nor is it weak. It has nothing to do with those qualities. There are so many platitudes about it but it really isn’t a measure of a person’s strength or determination or bravery at anything like that at all. It’s circumstances and being ill. And if you’ll excuse my being morbid for a sec as well, you have no idea if it would actually be a way out and not a way into something much worse. Right? If things seem so bad right now, what’s to say that’d end? I’m sure if you’re at this point, you’ve already thought of and dismissed the usual things people say (which are all true, people do love you, people will miss you, it’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem and so on), and I get that. I do. But no matter what, the one thing you can’t be sure about is it would be a solution or escape at all. 

However, I am obviously super unqualified to talk about any of this, given I’m trying to terrorize you into not considering…that, and even aside from just that topic, have you considered therapy? Someone LGBT-friendly who’d at least give you room to vent and who’d validate how incredibly unfair things are? It helped me a lot. We’re pressed in from all sides, homophobia from fellow Muslims, Islamaphobia and racism and xenophobia from fellow gays. And the people we’d usually turn to are the ones who’re gonna be the worst about it. And we still love them! Unlike so many other unfair situations where you can blame someone and find people to band together with, that’s impossible here. There’s just a lot of resentment and defeat and isolation, right? Toward them, for being like this, not being better, putting you in this position. 

But none of that is gonna get fixed by marrying a dude. Objectively, you are in the right here. This is, in a hugely bigger way, the same as deciding to go into humanities over sciences. It’s not their decision. It’s as easy as that.

I’ve told my parents, truthfully, that I don’t want to marry because: I don’t like other people enough to put up with someone that much, I don’t like other people in my place, I don’t want children, I like my free time and money for me. If your parents or siblings or relatives have any weaknesses in their marriage, feel free to exploit that. Any spouse who spends too much time at work, who isn’t a good partner, point that out. If you’re the oldest or only child…then yeah, sorry, I feel y’all have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it all does become harder. I mean, if you’re agreeing to marry someone for them, you’re clearly not the rebellious black sheep of the family. But jeez, if there’s one decision you should make for yourself, it’s this one. I’ve literally never spent a single vacation in my life the way I’ve wanted to, despite living on my own for years. My annual time off from work is decided by my mom to visit this sibling or this grandparent, this state or this country, and I grumble about it, but I do it. I listen. But marriage? Haha, no, no, noooo. Anon. If you’re this unhappy now, how do you think it’s going to be in a few years?