we open up back on the bridge! eve and villanelle are Full Gazing! they start walking toward each other! (eve steps first.) their paces quicken! finally, we see them nearing each other in a wide shot, breathless, finally close enough to touch–
we cut to eve’s flat, where they are awkwardly tucked up in bed together, staring at the ceiling with hilarious expressions of distress, not making a single move. there are Too Many Feels. they are paralyzed. now that there has never been a better logistical opportunity to jump each other’s bones, they are Overcome and Cannot.
villanelle, valiantly fighting against the awkward silence: “thanks for letting me borrow your toothbrush.”
“i didn’t.”
“oh. (beat) eve, i borrowed your toothbrush.”
cut to title card!
eve and villanelle figure out real quick that they have to DISAPPEAR because THE TWELVE’S PISSED about villanelle’s slight disregard for following orders recently.
carolyn helps them find a place to hide in, like, some podunk super quaint off-the-radar english village.
that’s right! we’re going villaneve bottle episode! other characters, we’ll see you later in the season! (thanks for serving up some undeniably exquisite snark in your brief appearance, carolyn.)
fake?? marrieds?????? (eve is the one to initiate the scheme when it briefly breaks villanelle’s brain as a concept when someone thinks eve is her wife. villanelle’s brain is tired right now and can only handle so much. eve polastri: the boss of fake marrieds-ing is a concept that i would follow into hell.)
eve is very ‘…’ about quaint village life and expecting a hot fuzz style plot twist at every turn. villanelle is tickled as hell that people actually live like this.
villanelle ponders what she might be now that she’s not a devastatingly talented assassin. we get a lot of hilarious content of her trying various things.
“maybe i am meant to be a birdwatcher.”
“are you serious?”
“what?”
“is … is anyone meant to be a birdwatcher?”
(cut to eve and villanelle toting around binoculars and a bird watcher’s manual. there’s definitely a bit where the binoculars are around eve’s neck and villanelle grabs them to look through them and eve’s like ARGH but also fond.)
there’s a lot of attempts at baking. they may get somewhat violent. but villanelle is going to BAKE A CAKE for her FAKE WIFE/REAL SOULMATE, dammit!
they get to know their neighbors, a nice lady and her no-good husband who gradually reveals himself to be an abusive asshole of the highest order. he is probably really suspicious of eve and villanelle and feels like they’re Up To No Good.
there’s a bit where villanelle’s chopping wood for the fireplace and eve’s like “NOPE!” at the sight of an ax and villanelle’s like, “oops, maybe i should not have manipulated the love of my life into committing ax murder. it seemed like such a good idea at the time!” because, you know. they’ve got some issues to work out. this episode should be a festival of cute shenanigans AND harrowing pain.
eventually stuff with Horrible Abusive Neighbor Guy gets so terrible that his wife is in some serious danger, and eve and villanelle swoop in to try to help her. villanelle has assured the wife that if things ever get bad, just call her, She Can Help. this seems a little hard to comprehend about a cheerful weirdo birdwatcher chick, but when stuff gets dire, the wife goes for it.
this definitely turns into eve and villanelle, like, impromptu murdering this dude. not on purpose! it just kind of has to happen through the course of events!
and as soon as this dude has been triumphantly shuffled off this mortal coil in some gross weird way that he earned, villanelle starts to get that Gleam in her eyes again. “combat baby” by metric probably starts playing because what is “combat baby” by metric for if not this exact situation??
she and eve lock eyes, breathing heavy, absolutely In The Sexy Murder Zone
and then they FLY into each other’s arms and just go absolutely wild.
(now they have a new purpose in life!! killing shitty people to help not-shitty people! there’s SO a market for that! they are basically batman! eve doesn’t have to be a god damn birdwatcher!! huzzah!)
(and so begins our season of trying to defeat the twelve and also, you know, do some Morally Upstanding Assassin-ing on the side. and jumping each other’s bones a lot. a lot.)
